Dad Secretly Enjoying Past 3 Days of Silent Treatment

OLYMPIA, WA – After a minor disagreement over dirty dishes in the sink turned into a deep-cutting screaming match regarding parental responsibilities and familial contributions in general, Ken Graves, 37, has been given The Silent Treatment by his wife Diane. And he’s loving every minute of it.

“Yesterday she stormed off with the kids and left for four hours. I noticed on the bank statement a charge for $67 at Home Goods and what looked like a lunch at Red Robin. And I didn’t have to go! It was pretty incredible.” Ken spent his free time finally cleaning up his email inbox, organizing his tools, playing the music he likes, and not watching another episode of Property Brothers on HGTV.

“It’s all been pretty great, but the best part has been the sleep. She hasn’t woken me up to help with the kids in the morning. Turns out she’s fully capable of pouring them cereal and turning on the TV without me.”

Ken says he’s proud of his wife. “I think she’s really growing during this episode. Discovering her independence. She even killed a spider in the bathtub last night. She didn’t scream for me to come upstairs. I think she needed this. It’s been a growth opportunity for her.”

It’s been 78 hours since their disagreement went nuclear and Ken says he thinks this has really put a spark in his marriage. “I think some time away every once in a while is healthy for us. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I’ve heard. I’m expecting to start growing fond again in another day or so. My laundry’s starting to pile up. But right now, things are pretty fantastic.”

Last night, falling asleep alone in the guest room with the fan and ESPN both on – something, he noted, he hasn’t been able to do since Diane went on a business trip last August – Ken thought this might be a great way to spend Thanksgiving and Super Bowl Sunday. “I just wanna watch football without being called away to look at something my daughter drew or to have a discussion about curtains Diane thinks we should buy. So I’ll probably pee in the shower in front of her or maybe feed the kids something with gluten to earn myself a little alone time.”

Diane could not be reached for comment. Obviously.

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