OCEANSIDE, CA – Trying to keep kids from cussing has been an empty tradition since the strange day certain words began carrying moral value. It’s a bit of a coming of age thing for every parent to show how polite and well mannered they themselves are, via their child proxy. “We don’t talk like that,” is a common utterance from most any parent – but not the Dixons. “It’s the only thing he says that we can understand,” says Perla Dixon, 32, mother of Jeffrey, 4, the little f-bomb droppin’ madman. “He should have like 30 words by now. He’s got one word he uses 30 different ways. He’s like the late Bernie Mac with one word,” Ryan Dixon, Jeffrey’s dad says. “But everything else is like,” he pauses to let out a deep, pained sigh. “It’s making me nervous how little we can understand besides the one word.”
“Fuck asldkfjas’oeifhnam fuck fuck sdflknvwow a fuckfuckfuck” little Jeffrey lets loose from the play area. Ryan responds, with his core response. “There you go, buddy. Doing good.” He shrugs, cartoonishly.
“Fuck!” Perla laughs to herself. Because, really, what else can you do? Parents can tell people all day long that they don’t talk like that at home and “he didn’t learn that from me!” But we all know they certainly didn’t learn it from Bert or Ernie.
“Duck, muck, huck, shuck,” Ryan starts rattling on. “If he could pronounce any of these in a way that we could understand, then maybe we’d have something to work with when it comes to other words, you know? I just–” he trails off.
“He’s saying ‘shit’ now,” Perla reminds Ryan; who throws his hands in the air. “Of course! Maybe he’s learning it from his Speech Therapist! Might as well be! Fuck! I mean, every other language you learn, you learn the curse words first,” he says, trying to convince himself. “Right?”
The Dixons are going to take a wait and see approach to Jeffrey’s f-bombs. “We really don’t have to worry too much until he starts public school,” Perla says. “I’m also watching a lot of YouTube videos on Sign Language and working on that with him on that as a second option.”
“Jesus, Ryan,” Perla says.
“What? Just as an option. I don’t expect him to learn to communicate like Barack Obama or anything. But he should have the ability to communicate with some group of people, right?”
The Dixons will continue on in their fight to keep their kid from cussing, but only so much. “They start cussing when they’re 10 anyways so what is it we are trying to prevent, huh?” Ryan asks, letting us know the matter is settled in his mind.