FLAGSTAFF, AZ – On Thursday night, after a long day, the kids were down, the kitchen cleaned, and all the toys put away, John and Karen Blank were planning on cuddling on the couch, watching a little something, and then heading up to bed for a little sex. Until Netflix suggested they watch a documentary – King Corn – and their plans for a night of suburban romance came crashing down around them. “This isn’t what I was expecting,” says John. “I thought we’d get through 10 minutes tops – like when we tried to watch that vegan documentary. Then we’d be up in bed, trying to make love without waking the kids. But I guess Netflix had other plans.”
“Intimacy is the bond that holds a marriage together so, to us, we make an effort to focus on each other at least once, maybe twice a month,” Karen said. “But I can’t think about our bodies rubbing together when they’re just filled with corn. I gotta see how this ends.”
“I one hundred percent agree. There’s nothing more important in a relationship than a strong, sexual appetite for one another. Unfortunately my appetite is gone. I look at her and all I see is a corn cob,” John added. “Who wants to make love a corn cob?”
Karen says all she wants to do after the documentary is “throw away every box of food in the cupboard.” And John will be at the sink dumping out all the salad dressings and condiments. “There’s just no time for sex.”
“Sex just isn’t gonna happen tonight. We’ll go to bed together, but Karen will be looking up Keto-friendly recipes while I search for nutrition-related podcasts. Do I wanna have sex? Sure. At some point. But tonight, finishing this documentary is more important.”
The Blanks say this time, they’re serious. They’re gonna make the permanent lifestyle changes to live healthier lives. “And it’s gonna be longer than two days this time. Not like after that time we watched the sugar documentary and I was at Baskin Robins after Yoga class,” Karen says.
The Nuclear Unit 